


The almost date

by Fanningon



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 22:43:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11678607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanningon/pseuds/Fanningon
Summary: This is Rae and Finn just after he wrote on her back at the end of season 1.I decided to write this after this post: http://mydiaryofemus.tumblr.com/post/126205265126/i-dream-of-emus-mydiaryofemus-flirtmcgirt





	The almost date

 

[‘Tonight, Tonight’ by Smashing Pumpkins](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOG3eus4ZSo)

 

  

They stood staring at each other, small smiles on their faces.

This was a beginning. 

This was the place from which their futures, possibly together, would spread out from.

 

_Oh god stop staring at her Finn, she’s gonna think you’re fucking mental._

_Though I don’t s’pose that’ll bother her much._

_Or maybe it will._

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

_Stop staring at her._

_But she’s beautiful._

_And she’s smiling… I think I made her smile.  Me.  Me telling her I liked her made her smile._

_I wonder if she’ll have sex with me tonight?_

_Don’t be a fucking twat Finn!_

_She no gonna have sex with ya tonight, just cos you told her you liked her…_

_And I didn’t even tell her.  I just wrote it on her back… but that like, that counts, yeah?_

_I gotta learn to fucking speak.  I should say that I liked her out loud._

_Shit… I actually just told her I like her…_

_Why the fuck did I tell her I like her too?_

_Why didn’t I just tell her I fucking love her?_

_FINN!  You don’t go around just telling girls you love ‘em.  You gotta at least proper be with ‘em for a long bit o’ time.  What the fuck is wrong with you Finn?_

_Oh god I’m still staring at her._

_Look at her… she’s so beautiful._

_I gotta stop staring and fucking say something…_

_What the fuck am I gonna say?_

_Goddamnit Finn… think o’ something._

_Say something._

_Stop just staring at her…_

_Look at her lips.  I wanna kiss her._

_And her boobs…_

_DON’T LOOK DOWN AT THEM YOU FUCKING TWAT!_

_Oh god I did it.  I looked down at them._

_Fuck.  I hope she didn’t see me do it._

_I mean, I was pretty subtle.  I’m always pretty subtle about it… I think I got away with it…_

_Fuck they’re nice boobs._

_Oh shit I looked at ‘em again…_

_Oh god… I’m gonna get to see ‘em naked!  And touch ‘em._

_Ok Finn, calm the fuck down.  You’ve touched boobs before._

_Yeah but not Rae’s boobs!_

_Ok stop callin’ ‘em boobs, you’re not fucking 10 anymore._

_Breasts._

_Breasts._

_Oh that sounds even sexier._

_Fuck Finn, you’re starting to get a stiffy, sort ya fucking shit out._

_And I’m still just fucking staring at her._

_The fuck is wrong with me??  SAY SOMETHING!!!_

“Wanna go to the pub near my place afore we head back in to the reception?”  It wasn’t the usual pub they went to, but Finn knew the pub well because it was so close to his house.

“Aye, sounds good.”  Rae answered, not sure what else to say.  Besides, she could use a drink; she was nervous as hell.

 

_SHE SAID YES!_

_We’re having a drink together!_

_Does this count as a first date?_

_No it can’t… I have to organise it and go somewhere we don’t normally go for it to be a date don’t I?_

_Oh fuck… WHERE THE FUCK AM I GONNA TAKE HER ON A FUCKING DATE?_

_What if she don’t like where I take her?_

_What if I ruin our whole blossoming relationship cos I fuck up our first date, and then she’s like, ‘well you don’t know me at all Finn’ and then she dumps me._

_Fuck!_

_I have to get this first date fucking perfect!_

_OK FINN CALM THE FUCK DOWN!_

_You’re really getting ahead of yourself here._

_You’re just gonna have a drink at the pub, and let things just go where they go…_

_Hopefully she’ll have sex with me tonight._

_FINN!_

 

***

 

_Ok…_

_So…_

_He just wrote on me back that he likes me too and now we’re heading to the pub alone… together!!!!_

_So what now… we go to the pub and have a drink…_

_Loosen up me nerves – it’ll be good._

_Maybe he’ll go down after that?_

_What at the pub??  Stop being daft!_

_You’re not gonna end up fucking tonight… oh god butterflies in me stomach._

_Shit._

_Shit._

_Fuck._

_Shit._

_Should I hold his hand?  I mean we’re walking together to the pub… should we hold hands?_

_Fuck I can’t believe he likes me?  He likes me?  What alternate universe have we fucking fallen into??_

_Ok just relax Rae.  You do not wanna have a fucking anxiety attack in front of Finn Nelson._

_Oh god… Finn wrote he liked me on me back!_

_Wait… maybe he didn’t… I mean I have had a few drinks…_

_Maybe he just came out here to find out why you didn’t tell him everything since you’re such good friends and to show his support…. And you’re turning it into something it’s fucking not!_

_Oh god… oh god… what if he doesn’t like me…?  What if I got it wrong?_

_I mean why would someone as beautiful as him, like me?_

_Don’t think like that Rae!  He threw his arms around you – he’s never done that afore… he must like you… why?_

_WHY?????_

_Oh but look at him… look at his beautiful face._

_His eyes…_

_And them eyebrows…_

_And look at his mouth…_

_How can someone so painfully beautiful exist?_

_Oh god Rae, stop staring at the side of his face, you’ll end up-_

 

Rae’s foot stepped forward and hit nothing – she had stopped off the curb without realising it.  She tripped forward in the most ungainly, unladylike manner possibly imaginable.  But she somehow managed to stay on her feet, her hands flailing everywhere, Finn reached out to grab her, on instinct, as she fell.  But he missed and watched Rae right herself, biting at his bottom lip, before she laughed, embarrassed.

“Oops… so clumsy… c’mon.”  She motioned for them to continue towards the pub.

“Y’alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine.” 

_OH MY FUCKING GOD!_

_Oh my god._

_Fuuuuuuuuck._

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

_Why the fuck did I do that?_

_Oh my god…_

_I would want the earth to fucking swallow me up if we weren’t on a kind of almost date right now._

_Oh my god!  We’re going to the pub together – alone!!!_

_Oh god… what if he kisses me?_

_I wonder if I’ll touch his cock!_

_I wonder what his cock looks like._

_Oh god Rae, get your head out of his pants!_

_We should probably talk, we usually talk more than this.  I think…_

_Oh god, what did we used to talk about?_

 

“You know I heard that the opening line in Weezer’s ‘El Scorcho’ isn’t actually about the punk band Half-Japanese, but is actually a reference to ‘Madame Butterfly’ _–_ it’s an opera… by Puccini I think…”

_Oh my god… what the fuck did I just fucking say?_

_Ok… I was wrong… its better that we don’t fucking talk._

 

“Oh aye?”  Finn put his hands in his pockets and cleared his throat.  “They reference Public Enemy in there too…”

“Yeah, ‘Don’t believe the Hype.’”  Rae agreed and fought the urge to wrap her arms around her stomach. 

“It’s weird how no one liked that song.”  Finn said, “I thought it were alright.”

“Same.”

 

_SAME?_

_SAME?!?!?!?_

_Have you lost your fucking ability to speak Rae Earl?_

_First you talk about opera, now you’re just saying ‘same’ about a song you fucking adore._

_What.  The.  Fuck?_

 

***

 

_Ok Finn, you made it to the pub._

_And you’re really letting Rae do the heavy lifting with the conversation, so you gotta pick your game up lad._

_She’s so smart.  How’d she know about a fucking opera?  I don’t know nothin’ about that stuff.  She’s so perfect._

_Ok, right, so get a few beers into ya and then you’ll be able to talk a bit… maybe snog a bit… maybe touch her a bit…_

_Oh shit, have I got any condoms?_

_Fuck…_

_Oh shut up Finley!  You’re not gonna get to have sex with her tonight._

_At least give it a week or two afore you start trying that on._

_But she’s so fucking sexy and I been waiting for ages already…_

_Aye but she don’t know that Finn so keep ya fucking dick in ya fucking pants and buy her a drink and sit down and fucking talk like a fucking decent lad instead of fucking pouncing on her…_

***

 

_I have revised my previous position of needing a few drinks – I have already had a few drinks so I’m not sure I need another one since I’m already fucking falling over._

_Oh god I can’t believe I fucking did that._

_Oh god look at him… ordering drinks._

_HE’S BUYING ME A DRINK._

_ARGH!!!_

_I’m too fucking excited.  Get all the jitters out now before he turns around and sees you._

Rae jittered excitedly, a huge grin on her face.

And then she took a few deep breaths, her eyes never leaving Finn’s back.

 

_Ok… so I just gotta talk._

_Just have a simple conversation…_

_This is not something I normally struggle with…_

_What the fuck are we gonna talk about?_

 

***

 

They sat in silence, Rae nursing her drink, Finn drinking his rapidly. 

Both of them staring at the table.

Nervously picking at the skin around nails…

Nervously sucking bottom lip…

Nervously tearing apart coasters…

Nervously biting the inside of mouths…

Nervously fidgeting with clothes…

Nervously chuckling…

Nervously looking up at each other…

Finn downed the rest of his drink and went to the bar to buy another.

They hadn’t spoken yet.

 

***

 

_Have a third._

_Have a fourth… by then you’ll be able to speak around this goddess of a girl._

_Why can I suddenly not speak to her?_

_Cos now she knows Finn… She knows how much you like her, how bad you want her, how much she means to ya…_

_But shouldn’t that make it easier?_

_She hasn’t said if she feels the same…_

 

***

 

_Finley sure is drinking a lot…_

_Maybe he regrets-_

“Chlo said you two had a fight or something?”  Finn asked with slightly narrowed eyes.

“Oh…” Rae was surprised he was talking about this.  About Chloe.  “Aye, it were nothing, it’s all sorted out now.”

“I’m glad.”  He answered honestly, “I’d hate to see ya lose your best friend.”  He leaned over the table, “For any reason, ya know?”

“Yeah.”

 

_What the fuck is he talking about?_

_Oh shit… does he know that Chloe likes him too?_

“Anyway, Chop was saying I should go work with him.”

“At the mechanic?”

 

_Wait, but what about school…?_

“Aye, he says he can get me a job… apprenticeship.”

“You gonna leave school?” 

Finn hesitated.

 

***

 

_I hate school._

_But it’ll be different with her there._

“Nah, I reckon I’ll tell him I’m staying at school.”

“Alright.”

 

_And I’m gonna spend every second of it with you.  If you’ll let me._

‘Tonight, Tonight’ by Smashing Pumpkins came on the jukebox.

Rae looked up at the jukebox.

“I love this song.”  Rae murmured.

 

_She’s so beautiful.  When she listens to a song she likes there’s so much light and joy in her face._

_Oh fuck you’re in trouble Finn._

_Take it easy…_

 

“Aye me too.”  He couldn’t take her eyes off her as she closed her eyes to really take in the song.  “Dance with me.”

 

_WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY NELSON?_

“What?”  Rae asked incredulously. 

 

_See – she thinks you’re a fucking twat!_

“I said dance with me girl.”

 

_Don’t go and fucking repeat it!_

_What the fuck is wrong with y-_

_Look at her… she’s smiling.  I made her smile again._

“Are you mad?”  She laughed, “You can’t dance in the pub!”

“Yeah we can!”  Finn stood up and held a hand out to her.  “They’ll just think we’re drunk.”

“I know you’re drunk!”  But she took his hand and stood up.

“C’mere girl.”

 

_Fuck she feels good in me arms…_

 

***

 

_His arms feel so good around me._

_And this is different to all those hugs._

_Izzy said that dancing was like vertical fucking…_

Rae started to laugh and blush as they shuffled to the music, arm in arm, still too much space between their bodies for her liking, but still so close…

All around them punters stared at them for a moment, some laughed, but most kept their noses in their beers and couldn’t care less about a couple o’ young folk doing something bizarre.

But neither of them noticed what everyone else was doing; they were focussed on each other. 

 

_I could stare into his eyes for forever._

_Ok Rae – you need to just slow down a bit._

 

***

 

They danced, barely moving, staring into each other’s eyes, their bodies getting closer, their faces slowly coming together until Finn could feel her breath on his face.

 

_I just wanna taste her lips…_

Finn’s eyes flicked down to Rae’s lips and then back up to her eyes.

 

_Not tonight Finn… she just told everyone she’s been in a mental home.  She needs you to play it cool tonight and let her know you’re ok with everything.  She don’t need ya jumping in her pants or kissing her for hours and hours and… Look at that mouth…_

_What was it that Archie said about ‘poetry in motion’ – fuck I can’t remember I was too busy staring at Rae to listen to him proper…_

_But that seems to fit her… poetry in motion… music made flesh…_

 

***

 

The song ended and Finn grabbed her hand and pulled her from the pub.  Rae followed, laughing happily, their half finished drinks forgotten. 

They got outside, Finn slightly tipsy, and he pulled her to him, leaning her against the wall of the pub. 

 

_Oh my god… it’s gonna happen…_

_Oh fuck I hope me breath don’t stink…_

_He’s gonna kiss me… I’m wearing a beautiful dress, he told me he likes me, we drank, we danced… we’re gonna kiss._

Finn leaned into her, his hand beside her head as she leaned on the wall.  His other hand rose slowly, hovering beside her face for a moment.

Rae felt an explosion of butterflies in her stomach as his fingertips gently touched her cheek, his eyes drinking her in.

 

_Oh fuck… what if I’m a shitty kisser.  Why didn’t I ask Archie for tips?_

_Oh fuck!_

_Oh shit!_

_Oh god!_

_Oh shitting god fuck!_

 

***

 

_She’s so beautiful._

_Her skin’s so soft…_

 

He stepped closer, their bodies touching.

 

_Unf… oh she feels good…_

His fingers lingered on her cheek.

 

_I have to kiss her…_

His face moved in closer, his eyes on her lips.

 

_I’m gonna kiss her!_

A drunk man stumbled out of the bar and vomited spectacularly in the gutter. 

They both turned to look at him, his body still pressed against hers, their cheeks almost touching as they both stared at him.  Rae’s nose scrunched up in disgust and Finn groaned internally.  The mood was well and truly broken. 

The drunk man stumbled up to the wall on the other side of the pub and undid his fly.  When he started to piss against the wall Rae started to laugh.  She put her hand over her mouth, not wanting the drunk guy to hear her. 

Finn turned to look at her incredulously.  And then he started laughing too. 

“C’mon.”  He took her hand and they started to head back to the reception, still laughing.

 

***

 

_We’re holding hands!!_

_We’re laughing and talking!!!_

_Oh my god – Finn really does like me!!!!!_

“I reckon that bloke nearly turned his guts inside out.”  Finn was laughing.

“Yeah I’m pretty sure he brought up his own socks!” 

 

_I love the way he laughs at my jokes._

“But he was so thoughtful, giving those dehydrated bricks a good watering.”  Rae added, setting Finn off giggling.  “I really think people underestimate how much watering bricks truly need.”

“He was doing a civic duty!”  Finn agreed, still laughing, he stepped up onto a small brick fence.

“Oi you’re gonna break your arse if you go up there!”  Rae teased.  But he held her hand and shook his head as he stumbled slightly but stayed up there resolutely.

“I’m not that drunk, girl!”  He laughed. 

“Oh right?”  Always with the laughing, “that’s why you’re walking so good!”

“Right, I’m gonna have to walk on every single brick fence all the way back.”  He told her with a cheeky grin.

“You’re definitely gonna fall and break your arse.”

“Oh aye and would you mind if I had a broken arse?”  He asked as he got to the end of the fence and jumped off, stumbling closer to her, his face close to hers.  “Does my arse mean a lot to ya?”

“It might.” 

“Well I’ll be extra careful with it then.”  He grinned as he ran, pulling on her hand, to the next low fence .  Rae followed, running and laughing so hard she thought she might explode.  He jumped up on the fence.  “I’ll fall and break me face instead!”

“NO!”  Rae answered quickly and loudly.

“Oh?”  He teased as he walked along the fence, “Do ya like me face?”  He jumped off, again coming close to her as he did, his breath in her face, his huge smile breathtaking, his happy energy infectious. 

“I might.”  Rae laughed.

“Well I like yours.”  He answered before biting his bottom lip, turning away and pulling her to the next fence.  He jumped up, slowly carefully walking along it’s length.

“Why ya going so slow suddenly?”

“Well I’m not allowed to fall and break me arse or me face…”  He answered, “Cos you like ‘em both so much.”  His cheeky grin was incredible.

“I said I might like ‘em!”  Rae laughed in reply. 

 

_It’s gonna take a long time to get back to the reception if we keep doing this…_

_I hope it takes forever…_

_________

 

‘Tonight, Tonight’ by Smashing Pumpkins

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOG3eus4ZSo>

 

Time is never time at all  
You can never ever leave  
Without leaving a piece of youth

And our lives are forever changed  
We will never be the same  
The more you change the less you feel

Believe, believe in me, believe, believe  
That life can change that you're not stuck in vain  
We're not the same, we're different

Tonight, tonight, tonight  
So bright  
Tonight, tonight

And you know you're never sure  
But you're sure you could be right  
If you held yourself up to the light

And the embers never fade  
In your city by the lake  
The place where you were born

Believe, believe in me, believe, believe  
In the resolute urgency of now  
And if you believe there's not a chance

Tonight, tonight, tonight  
So bright  
Tonight, tonight

We'll crucify the insincere tonight  
(Tonight)  
We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight  
(Tonight)

We'll find a way to offer up the night  
(Tonight)  
The indescribable moments of your life  
(Tonight)

The impossible is possible tonight  
(Tonight)  
Believe in me as I believe in you

Tonight, tonight, tonight  
Tonight, tonight


End file.
